


I never knew I'd beg down at your feet

by vamm_goda



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Prompt Fic, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-02
Updated: 2012-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamm_goda/pseuds/vamm_goda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TJ Galiardi finally connects with Paul after a difficult trade deadline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I never knew I'd beg down at your feet

**Author's Note:**

> From a lyrics prompt I ran ages ago. Lyrics were posted, pairings were gathered, and fic was written.  
> Lyrics from the Distillers - The Hunger  
>  _Holy eyes, I never knew I'd beg down at your feet/Hold on tight I never knew I'd know much more than this/Open sky, the wave of pain the scent of you is bliss/Hungry eyes, they stare at me I know, I know_

It had already been way too long, and it had only been a month. TJ found himself with his face pressed into the slick/hot fabric of Paul's suit pants, just breathing in through his nose and fighting to keep his hands from grasping too hard at the back of his thighs. His stomach tightened as he breathed in, a tight and painful cramp that had him all but whining as he leaned into his body, breath deep and struggling.

Paul was laughing quietly, a low sound in the back of his throat that almost sounded frightened. It turned into the hacking “heh heh heh” he always used in interviews when he was feeling cautious or unsure. He never wanted Paul so sound like that with them. TJ pulled away, rocking back onto his heels and digging through his brain to find a memory, any memory, of how they'd gone from a hug to this, TJ on his knees like supplication and Paul stepping backwards to escape it.

“I missed you,” TJ said finally, after the silence became nearly too hard to bear. Paul ran a hand through his hair and TJ leaned into it, tilting his head up into his touch.

TJ would be the first to admit he sometimes lacked focus. That he’d start playing Gears of War or Halo and forget that hours had passed until suddenly there was no more sun outside and his stomach was sore. That was why everyone said Paul was the best guy on the team for him to move in with. That he was fun and lovable and could also focus like a scalpel at a moment's notice.

It wasn’t precisely hero worship, because Paul was way too human to inspire the sort of nostalgic awe the way his father could, even as a hyper accented voice on the other line, making small talk before asking for Katarina or Paul. It had taken them both too long to finally pull the sheet of their huge elephant in the room. It has taken until last summer’s Free Agent frenzy, when TJ had sat with Paul on the couch, both staring at his phone and waiting for it to ring.

“I missed you, too.” Paul’s voice sounded like a non sequitur, and TJ had a moment to wonder why it felt so out of place before Paul was tugging at his shoulders. “Fuck, TJ. Get up, this is too weird.”

“Paul,” he whispered, not even caring how much his voice sounded like desperation. It was too much to be dangled as bait. To have Paul next to him on the couch, both of them staring at his phone, both of them wondering how much longer they could dodge and weave and then the call that told them that no, there was no more dodging. There was just a small suitcase and a company bought plane ticket and barely enough time for a rough goodbye. TJ had insisted. He wanted to carry a part of Paul with him, even if it was just in sore muscles to match his nerves.

He wanted to press his face into Paul’s leg and stay there, just smell him and remember and pretend the past month hadn’t happened at all. Pretend that they were back in Denver in the room only Katarina knew they shared, that Paul wasn’t laughing his staccato laugh and TJ wasn’t scared to death to let him go in case he never came back.

That he wasn’t on his knees, clinging to him like some sort of drunken seeker who found a truth he was terrified to lose.

“Seriously, Gali, get up.” He’d never been the easiest to live with, but it was the first time Paul actually sounded distressed when talking to him. Paul’s hands settled on his shoulders, gripping his shirt and pulling inexorably, drawing him back to his feet where Paul could kiss him, hand flat against his back and pulling him closer until TJ relaxed enough to kiss back. 

He couldn’t be sure how long they stayed like that, how long Paul just let him melt, but when he finally pulled away he blinked at Paul, at how same he was, at the heat in his eyes that he’d subconsciously worried he wouldn’t see again. Paul looked hungry, and when he leaned in to breathe in TJ’s sharp cologne he caught his breath; it meant more than just what the action showed.

“Paul,” he started, voice caught in a middle ground and not sure where else to go when Paul pressed a soft kiss into his pulse, working over his throat with purpose. It felt different — familiar and drawn apart at the same time.

He tried again, but this “Paul,” came out even softer than the first, so he just tilted his head and allowed himself to give in to it for the time being. Paul used an edge of teeth, his hands mixing into TJ’s hair and pulling just to the right side of good painful. It felt paradoxically lonely, like Paul was trying to get back everything that TJ himself had been missing. That maybe it was just as strange to be alone in your own home as it was to be alone in a new city.

The reminder didn’t stop being painful. That it was just for a night, just a bandage and far from a meaningful solution but that doesn’t stop it from being the best, most meaningful thing that’s happened to him since the trade.

It was different, just like it always was different, but the sort of different he could get used to. Besides, it was nice to have Paul wake him up in the morning; he’d never gotten used to an alarm clock, and there wasn’t a single one that woke him up like Paul did.


End file.
